See, it's his birthday on Tuesday, so of course he decides to grace us with his presence yesterday.  And then wants to go out for a meal.  Originally I said I would go but then I thought about it.  My gran will be there.  Last time I went out for a meal with her, I had to fight off an anxiety attack all evening.  Chest pains, shortness of breath, everything.  Which completely evaporated when I got home, and away from her.  So I told my mum I wouldn't go, and when she passed the message to my brother, his response was a sarcastic 'thanks'.

It annoys me because he won't even try to understand my point of view, and because I know damn well he won't even bother to call me on my birthday on Friday.  In fact he never gives a damn what anyone else in the family wants.  He didn't even call my mum on her birthday even though my gran reminded him the day before.  We fell out then because I called him and had a go at him.

Me and my brother do get on, generally speaking, but it feels a bit strained at the moment.  Mind you, for me everything feels strained at the moment.

Thing is, a couple of months ago, my doctor told me I probably suffer with anxiety. In some ways this was a good thing. It meant that the heart palpitations did not mean I had some life-threatening heart condition, my periods stopping did not mean I was pregnant, and that I was not alone. I was not going crazy. Other people suffer this too.

Since then I've done web searches on the subject. It helps to read other people's stories of their physical symptoms. I guess that's why I decided to write a blog. Because right now I'm going through a spell of quite severe anxiety, and I think if I try and write it down it will help me make sense of it. And maybe it can provide some help to readers who might be feeling the same.

I won't write too much in this first post, I think. I don't know for sure if I will keep my blog on this site, but I got fed up of Blogger so I thought I'd try something new.

Oh the title of this blog is a nickname my gran gave me since I was little. I guess I've always displayed signs of anxiety without even knowing it.