Bah I wrote a nice long blog post and got disconnected from the internet while it was posting so I lost it

Well it's my brother's birthday today, and I bit the bullet and called him.  He was a bit off with me at first but after I explained about my anxiety and how I was worried that my gran might unintentionally exacerbate (ooh... big word... sp?) the situation, he seemed to understand.  We're gonna meet up on Saturday, no idea yet what we're gonna do though.

And it's been so hot today!  And I don't like the heat.  Or the sun.  Well, the sun is nice in the evening, when it's setting, and the birds sing in that special way they only do at the end of a warm day, and there's that special kind of calm in the air.

I had a fairly stressful afternoon, dealing with bailiffs, but my anxiety levels stayed low.  In fact I had more heart palpitations this morning when it was less stressful.  Stress is a distraction I think.  I hate the heart palpitations though.. it feels like 1 or 2 really hard heartbeats, like those cartoons when they fall in love and their heart pops out from their chest...  and then there's a kind of adrenaline rush, a bit like what happens when something makes you jump.  The trick though is to not let it scare me, because if I give in to it I get dizzy, can't breathe, and the palpitations just keep coming.  If I can stay calm they usually just stop.  I just wish I could stop them happening at all.

In other news, I've just eaten a really nice fish pie from Tesco.  It actually had several types of fish in it, rather than that cod/imitation cod/loads-of-sauce-with-tiny-lumps-that-might-be-some-kind-of-fish pies that you normally get from supermarkets.

V